How to Build Trust and Hope
for disciple-makers, leaders, teachers, and preachers
Recently, while teaching Personal Discipleship at a Bible College, I emphasized the importance of vulnerability in building trust between the disciple-maker and their disciples.
I said, “If you want them to trust you, you must be honest about your struggles, failures, fears, and doubts. Your vulnerability and refusal to hide your problems and weaknesses will move their hearts to trust you so that they feel safe. The safer they feel, the more they will open up in ways that give you access to their lives to apply the Word of God in specific, personal ways.”
During this persuasion to be vulnerable, one young man on the right side of the class kept raising his hand. I addressed him, “Please let me finish my thought, and then I promise I’ll answer your question.” As I was wrapping up, I waded into the class, paused before him, noticed his name in front of his seat, smiled, and said, “Now [his name], thanks for your patience. What is your question?”
Have you ever been in a situation where someone expressed a thought so profound that you knew this conversation would lead to a significant insight?
You’ll remember this “aha moment” for the rest of your life.
Some of our most profound revelations come not from a mentor or a popular book, lecture, or podcast by a renowned Bible scholar. Instead, a simple question asked by someone you’re discipling, a student you’re teaching, or a member of your flock seeking clarification can prompt deep insights.
“Ed,” this dear student said, “I’m on board with you on vulnerability. I know it builds trust, and I’m thinking about a few people in my life whose transparency helps me trust them.”
“But...” he paused, and I could see discomfort written all over his face.
“Go ahead, son,” I smiled and encouraged him. I want to know what’s on your mind, and since you’ve kept your hand up so long, I see that whatever you’re thinking comes from your heart.”
He squirmed in his chair, so I nodded to say yes and smiled again. “Feel free. I’m a pastor, and I have pretty thick skin. You don’t need to take care of me. I want to hear what you have to say.”
“Well,” he hesitated, “okay.” Then he got it out. “What if, in my vulnerability and talking about my weaknesses to build trust, the guy I’m discipling starts thinking, ‘Why should I listen to this guy? He’s as messed up as I am. I don’t know if this is worth my time.’ If the purpose of discipleship is, as you said, to encourage one another to trust and follow Christ, how do I get there from this hyper-vulnerability?”
Whether it was years of discipling men, decades of studying and teaching the Word of God, or simply the Holy Spirit giving me the answer to his question, I’ll never know. What I do know is that it was overwhelmingly accurate and helpful.
“This,” I said too fast because I was so excited about this insight, “Is where story comes in. When you sincerely follow Jesus and have a growing relationship with the Holy Spirit, you will have stories to tell. (Stories) about ways the grace of God has used Scriptures and His people to give you victory over a sinful lifestyle, a secret, a strained relationship, or other personal problems Jesus has rescued you from. If you persist in a lifestyle of disciple-making, you will also have redemptive stories to tell from the lives of those you’ve poured your life into.”
Over the next few minutes, I told some of my stories about my victory over anger, the times when Judy and I were rescued in dramatic ways from seemingly impossible situations, and the number of times we prayed 2 Chronicles 20:12, “We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you, Lord,” and He came through.
After my stories, I asked if anyone in the class had a redemptive story to share. One courageous young lady told of her bout with addiction, how Jesus rescued her, and that she still can’t believe she’s going to this wonderful Bible College surrounded by all these friends. More stories followed until I finally had to say, “That’s all the time we have, but here’s the sentence I want you to remember in your efforts to make disciples:
“Vulnerability builds trust; redemptive stories build hope.”
Disciple-making is your great privilege in serving Jesus Christ and one of His greatest priorities. Regardless of the content you choose, the Bible, Beginning in Grace, or another resource, you have some of the most practical advice to guide your time with those you love, to encourage them to trust and follow Jesus:
